When Your Village Doesn’t Look Like You Imagined
We’re told we’re not meant to do this alone.
From the moment you become a mother, the phrase “it takes a village” is everywhere. So you imagine one. A support system that shows up without being asked. Family nearby. A mother who helps when you’re exhausted without being asked. A mother-in-law who feels safe and steady. People you trust to step in when work demands more than you have to give.
But for many working mothers, that village never materializes.
Instead, there’s a different reality and one that’s far less talked about.
Your mother may not be able to help, maybe she’s still working herself, or the relationship may be complicated. Your mother-in-law may want to be involved, but age, health, or limitations make you hesitant to rely on her for childcare. Family may live far away. Or maybe you don’t feel emotionally safe enough to ask for help at all.
So you do what so many working moms do. You figure it out yourself.
And often, your village ends up looking like daycare (like my village).
Daycare becomes the place where your child is cared for while you work full-time. The teachers know their routines. They see milestones. They provide consistency and safety. And while you’re deeply grateful for that care, there can also be an ache that sits quietly in the background.
Because daycare was never what you pictured when people talked about a village. “This wasn’t what it was like when I was growing up”.
There is a unique pain in watching everyone else seem to have help. You see grandparents at pickup. You hear coworkers casually say, “My mom has the kids today.” You scroll past photos of family support that feels so far from your own experience. And quietly, you wonder why this feels so hard for you.
There’s no backup plan because you are the backup plan.
Beyond the logistics, there’s the emotional weight. The exhaustion of managing work, childcare schedules, mental load, and guilt. The longing to feel supported, not just efficient. The quiet desire to be cared for while you’re caring for everyone else.
And don’t get me started on the internal conflict.
You tell yourself you should be grateful.
You remind yourself that daycare is a privilege.
You minimize your feelings because others “have it worse.”
But gratitude doesn’t cancel grief.
You can love your career and still feel stretched thin. You can trust daycare and still mourn the lack of family involvement. You can be proud of yourself and still feel lonely in this season.
This is a form of working mom burnout that often goes unnamed. Modern motherhood, especially without a support system, asks more than one person was ever meant to carry.
If this resonates with you, I can promise you nothing is wrong with you. You are not failing.
You are not ungrateful. You are responding to a reality that is genuinely hard.
How Therapy Can Help Working Mothers Who Feel Alone
For many working moms who are feeling overwhelmed, therapy becomes the first place where they’re allowed to say the quiet parts out loud without judgment, guilt, or needing to justify their feelings.
Therapy with me can help you:
Process the grief of the village you didn’t get
Release the shame around needing help
Navigate complicated family dynamics and boundaries
Address burnout, anxiety, and emotional overload
Reconnect with yourself beyond roles and expectations
You don’t need to wait until you’re at a breaking point to deserve support. Sometimes therapy becomes part of the village a consistent, grounding space where you don’t have to hold everything together.
If your village doesn’t look the way you imagined, you are not alone. And you don’t have to carry this season by yourself. Come talk about adding me to your village here
Ali Nataloni, LMHC
Serving burnt out moms virtually across Massachusetts